Thursday, June 9, 2011

Trail of lies

Proverbs 11:3
3 Honesty guides good people; dishonesty destroys treacherous people.

This proverb asserts God will guide the upright. The proverb also states dishonesty will destroy those who turn to evil purposes. Integrity, honesty and sincerity will guide a good person in the way of duty and safety. Their principles are clear and they can walk with an upright conscience. However, iniquity leads a person to ruin so their own perverseness will be their pit of destruction. They falsely believe their dishonesty will protect them, but in the end it will lead to ruin.

Shame is a powerful motivator. Shame is a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety. When a person commits an act they know is seriously wrong shame begins to overwhelm them. Often to handle the shame a person will begin to lie to cover up their shameful trail. As lies continue their life becomes compartmentalized. Take a person who appears to have a wonderful marriage. Then assume they start seeking out inappropriate relationships and involving themselves in self-destructive behaviors; eventually they have to admit their faults or do like some and lie to cover up their shame. There is a saying that honesty heals and secrets kill. It is so true and like the proverb above dishonesty will destroy. Even when sin is committed; honesty will bring about healing for the person. They may still have to deal with the shameful feelings and the consequences, but at least they are on the right track to recovery. The people around them know what they are dealing with and can help in ways the person did not imagine. If the person lies about an affair or problem they are having; they start building boxes to hold their lies. This is when compartmentalization begins. They may tell their spouse they are working, which in fact they are meeting their affair partner. Then they may tell lies to their affair partner to make the lies to their spouse feel more comfortable. They may have to lie to their friends who see them out with the affair partner. As the lies grow and grow the person is now trapped into maintaining those lies for different groups. The only way to bring about healing is honesty. Honesty destroys the compartmentalized boxes and makes the person whole again. Their anxiety reduces and they can work on their problem with the help of those who understand their failure.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Honesty is important

1 John 1:8-10 (NLT)
8 If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. 9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.

The apostle warns us of deceiving ourselves, which also leads to deceiving others. When we put honesty aside we are not living our life truthfully. We should instead be ready to be honest and confess our sins to God and to those we have harmed or offended. God is just and fair and He will forgive our sins when we are honest with Him. If we continue to sin and say we have no sin then our own dishonesty is calling God a liar.

William Shakespeare said, “Honesty is the best policy. If I lose mine honor, I lose myself.” Many of us remember the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf. In jest the boy dishonestly yelled out for help several times and each time people ran to his rescue just to find he had lied. Then when real trouble came along no one listened for they believed his call for mercy was nothing more than a dishonest lie once again. Lies separate us from our spouses, friends, relatives and others because they begin to realize they do not know the true person. I have listened this week as a public official stated lie after lie and then finally broke down and told the truth. The evidence had become greater than his capacity for dishonesty and he could no longer compartmentalize his lies. If you are familiar with Dr. Drew and his work for addiction recovery, he said one of the strongest points they try to get across to patients is to “be honest”. If the patient cannot be honest they deny the addiction and problems. Doesn’t that sound like the verse above? Honesty builds a character of integrity. Lies and deceit tear down a person’s character in an instant. It is better even to pause for a moment to gather your thoughts when confronted with the truth than to express a lie. Stop and think what is right and what needs to be made known and honestly make a statement. It doesn’t even hurt if you say, “right now I cannot comment on that statement, but I will give an answer that is honest.” Honesty is your best policy in the long. Learn to be honest and also teach those under you the importance of having an honest character.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Expectations can be demands

Proverbs 10:28
The hopes of the godly result in happiness, but the expectations of the wicked come to nothing.

God desires for our lives to be filled with happiness. There is nothing wrong with having hopes and dreams as long as they match up with God’s desire for our lives. However those who turn from God create expectations instead of hopes. The difference being an expectation has a demand with it and the want should be met as desired.

It seems like there are a lot of men in the news these days that say, “My wife was not meeting my needs which was not helpful to our marriage.” The truth is the person had an expectation and not a need. They expected to receive something that may not have even been available to them. Expectations also are not often communicated in a loving way, but instead a demand is made without love or without God’s blessing. True intimacy is being able to be open and honest with a spouse and everyone still feel safe and secure. When demands are made the security and safety vanish and usually the spouse rejects what is uncomfortable. Husbands and wives listen for a moment. Instead of making demands, instead of having expectations of your spouse learn to give to each other out of love. Learn to openly communicate and have an intimate relationship where love flourishes.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Becoming stronger through affliction

James 1:2-4 (NLT)
2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

James, the half-brother of Jesus, writes to all the Israelites. In these verses he tells them to look for opportunities of joy when problems rise up against them. These problems and afflictions are trials that test faith and prove that one can endure with God’s help whatever comes their way. There should be a desire to welcome these trials so ones faith might develop leading one to a greater perfection and completeness.



In a Leadership Journal article, John Ortberg argues that sometimes stressful and painful situations can actually help us grow. Ortberg creates the following scenario:

Imagine you're handed a script of your newborn child's entire life. Better yet, you're given an eraser and five minutes to edit out whatever you want. You read that she will have a learning disability in grade school. Reading, which comes easily for some kids, will be laborious for her. In high school, she will make a great circle of friends, then one of them will die of cancer. After high school, she will get into her preferred college, but while there, she will lose a leg in a car accident. Following that, she will go through a difficult depression. A few years later she'll get a great job, then lose that job in an economic downturn. She'll get married, but then go through the grief of separation.

With this script of your child's life and five minutes to edit it, what would you erase? Psychologist Jonathon Haidt poses this question in this hypothetical exercise: Wouldn't you want to take out all the stuff that would cause them pain?

If you could erase every failure, disappointment, and period of suffering, would that be a good idea? Would that cause them to grow into the best version of themselves? Is it possible that we actually need adversity and setbacks—maybe even crises and trauma—to reach the fullest potential of development and growth?

Ortberg contends that God doesn't always erase all our stress and pain before it starts. Instead, God can use the failures, disappointments, and periods of suffering to help us grow. Ortberg writes, "God isn't at work producing the circumstances I want. God is at work in bad circumstances to produce the me he wants." [John Ortberg, "Don't Waste a Crisis," Leadership Journal (Winter, 2011)]

Friday, June 3, 2011

The Wedding Vow

Numbers 30:1-2 (NLT)
1 Then Moses summoned the leaders of the tribes of Israel and told them, “This is what the Lord has commanded: 2 A man who makes a vow to the Lord or makes a pledge under oath must never break it. He must do exactly what he said he would do.

Moses passed these words on to the people of Israel. Anyone who makes a vow to the Lord or any type of pledge or oath should follow through on their intentions and do exactly as they said. King Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 5:5, “It is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it.” God wants us to be intentional in our actions and not make hasty decisions which we later regret.

The following is a sample wedding vow. While most recite the words after they have been spoken to them; many do not realize the importance of the vow they are making. Read carefully the words below.
I take you to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever. I will trust you and honor you I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you faithfully through the best and the worst, through the difficult and the easy. What may come I will always be there. As I have given you my hand to hold so I give you my life to keep so help me God.

I take you to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever I will trust you and honor you I will laugh with you and cry with you. I will love you faithfully through the best and the worst, through the difficult and the easy. What may come I will always be there. As I have given you my hand to hold so I give you my life to keep so help me God.

In unison: Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you, For where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do with me and more if anything but death parts you from me.
If you have made a vow in the presence of God it is an intention to keep that vow and uphold the words you have spoken. Because some hastily enter into marriage they later regret their vow and turn from it. Some find their spouse no longer holds on to their vow, but that means the other spouse is to hold on and keep appropriate boundaries within marriage that pleases both God and man. If you are married or plan to marry, place God first. Make a commitment to keep your vow to God and your spouse. Resolve differences in a peaceful manner, while learning to communicate feelings to each other. Respect one another knowing their vow is just as important as yours. May God bless the sanctity of marriage and keep it holy for all who enter in its sacred bounds.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Commitment in marriage - My 32nd wedding anniversary

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NLT)
10 But for those who are married, I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. 11 But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else be reconciled to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.

The apostle gives a statement he said he obtained directly from Christ, “A wife must not leave her husband and a husband must not leave his wife. But we see there is also a condition that says if someone does leave they should remain single or be reconciled to the person they left. These words affirm marriage is a commitment where each party must be responsible for their actions.

Today marks the 32nd anniversary of marriage for my wife and me. She was 15 and I was 17 when we met so marriage was a little ways off. When I figure the percentage of years I have known my wife Robin it is 67% of my life. While that seems like a long time I remember our wedding day as clear as yesterday. Some might ask has marriage been easy. The answer I would give is marriage has been a full and real commitment to each other. It is not always easy, but no relationship is. It takes work and a willingness to love the other person for who they are just as God loves us for who we are. We joined in marriage with all our faults, dysfunctions and problems and yet we have worked through many of the issues we have faced in life. I am thankful Christ has been a part of marriage for He has carried the burdens of life when we could not. We have had some serious trials and temptations in our life that could have ended a marriage, but God’s grace and mercy was upon us and lead us through those difficult times. I am in no way perfect; only Christ was perfect. I know my wife would love hearing me admit this right now, but it is the truth. I have my problems and still do. My life was filled with dysfunction and it still bites me in the rear at times. There have been times I have messed up royally. I am just thankful God’s grace is sufficient to help me deal with my problems. I am thankful Christ releases me from my sin so shame does not hinder our marriage. For those entering marriage understand the baggage you carry with you has to be dealt with if you are committed to making your marriage work. If you have not dealt with the baggage and jump from one marriage to the next, guess what? You carry the same baggage again and again to the next marriage until that baggage has been dealt with. So today I honor my wife as I quote from Proverbs 31, “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” I thank God for my wife Robin who I love and who has complimented my life where I am lacking and enriched it greatly.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Shari Smith alive with Jesus

2 Corinthians 5:2-5 (NLT)
2 We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing. 3 For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies. 4 While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. 5 God himself has prepared us for this, and as a guarantee he has given us his Holy Spirit.

The apostle reminds us at times we grow weary with this earthly life and long for the heavenly life waiting for us. He states it is not that we desire to die to be in heaven, but that we are being called there by the Holy Spirit with the guarantee of salvation given to us by Jesus Christ. It is in heaven we will receive new bodies, perfect, without flaw and without pain or suffering. But here in our earthly bodies we wait, serving God while feeling the pain of the sin left on this world.

May 31th, 1985 tragedy struck the Smith family in Lexington, SC. Shari Smith was abducted and later found murdered by Larry Gene Bell. Larry Gene Bell allowed Shari to write a letter of farewell to her family. She wrote, "Please don't let this ruin your lives. Just keep living one day at a time for Jesus. Remember, everything works out for the good to those that love the Lord. Some good will come of this." Difficult words to endure as a family knowing the fate of your loved one. One has to wonder how “good” could come of this.

Shari’s sister, Dawn a former Miss South Carolina, took Proverbs 3:5-6 and committed them in her heart, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight" It seems hard to trust when you have been through a difficult time, but God says trust me and I will help you walk straight through this pain. Dawn has been a bold witness for Jesus sharing her testimony of a painful and healing walk with the Lord. Dawn has reached out to others in the name of Christ to share God’s mercy and grace. From Dawn’s website it says, “In 1989 Dawn received a letter from the man that killed her sister, and while on Death Row, he claimed to have met Jesus Christ, asking Dawn to forgive him for what he had done. Dawn shares how God brought her to the place of understanding how true healing from the hurts of life cannot take place apart from the supernatural act of forgiveness in our own lives. Later she would learn to not only forgive the murderer, but to daily choose forgiveness as a path to healing and wholeness. The brightest future will always be based not on a forgotten past, but on a forgiven past.”

We may desire at times to give up this painful life and be with the Lord, but God has a purpose for our lives here on earth. While the process may be painful God builds us up and prepares us to share His word to bring others to Jesus. All my sympathy goes to the Smith Family for their loss, but I also rejoice in knowing they will be reunited with Shari in the heavenly realms with Christ. May God bless those who knew Shari and may her loss bring gain and hope to others through Jesus Christ.