Advice for husbands and wives

1 Peter 3:3-5 (ESV)
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.


The apostle tells us in the verses above that one should give preferred treatment to their internal thoughts over their external adornment. Concern for external behavior should be given preference over external appearance. A gentle and quiet spirit is what makes one beautiful before God; for God finds those qualities precious. Matthew Henry said of verses 5-6, "You can pretend nothing of excuse from the weakness of your sex, but what they might. They lived in old time, and had less knowledge to inform them and fewer examples to encourage them; yet in all ages they practiced this duty; they were holy women, and therefore their example is obligatory; they trusted in God, and yet did not neglect their duty to man: the duties imposed upon you, of a quiet spirit and of subjection to your own husbands, are not new, but what have ever been practiced by the greatest and best women in the world.’’


Some husbands may read the verses above and say, “Alright! The Bible says my wife must submit to me.” Not so fast guys. Chapter 1 Peter 3 goes on to say in verse 7, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Christian husbands and wives have obligations to one another. The wife maintains a gentle and quiet spirit while allowing her husband to make final decisions critical to the family. The husband in turn should make his decisions with an understanding heart, showing his wife honor, and recognizing he should not allow his physical size or his intimidating voice to rule over his wife. The apostle then goes on to tell everyone, “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” Guys if you want a blessing have a humble mind and a tender heart given to sympathy. You will then find it difficult to lord over your wife in a dominating way. Instead you will consider her feelings and you give honor to her by making decisions that reflect your sympathy and unity of mind. You will also find it much easier for your wife to honor you with a gentle and quiet spirit when you follow what God desires you to do.