Communication

Genesis 11:5-7 (NLT)

5 But the Lord came down to look at the city and the tower the people were building. 6 “Look!” he said. “The people are united, and they all speak the same language. After this, nothing they set out to do will be impossible for them! 7 Come, let’s go down and confuse the people with different languages. Then they won’t be able to understand each other.”

The people of Babel worked together building a city with a tower that was going to reach the heavens. They had taken their focus off of God. God saw what they were trying to do; so God confused their language, perhaps giving different groups a new language and then God spread them out across the lands where they could no longer work together.

I like using this illustration for the purpose of communication in marriage. I have seen couples who begin to fight among themselves because they are not properly communicating. They then move to the next illogical step – If I leave and separate from my spouse things will get better. I have heard that statement so many times. And when I asked how it is working out, usually it isn’t because the spouses are communicating at all.

I don’t believe in separation in a marriage except for certain circumstances. One of those is physical abuse. There are too many stories where a spouse stayed with an abusive spouse because they thought things would get better or they could possibly fix them. Let me just say this, if the abuser does not want help or does not want treatment they are not going to change. In fact their abuse may escalate. At times it has escalated to the point of serious harm or death.

There is another reason for separation that should be used sparingly. There are times when a spouse may not be abusive, but they are participating in things that could be destructive to the marriage. So the other spouse must set a boundary for their protection and the protection of the family. The boundary may need to be as strong as – If you continue this behavior I will not allow you to stay in this house and will take legal actions to see that you cannot return. There are many reasons why a spouse might do this, but it is because the other spouse has no regard for the family.

Lastly most of these issues arise over communication problems. Just as the people of Babel could no longer communicate and accomplish tasks, if people in a marriage cannot communicate problems will creep into a marriage.

If you feel you are not communicating within your marriage find some professional help. Counselors can help guide you in ways to communicate properly. Shouting at one another is not communicating, but tearing each other down. Learn to communicate in a peaceful and constructive manner.