Proverbs 20:5 (NLT)
5 Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person
with understanding will draw it out.
This proverb tells us that a person with understanding
can draw out the knowledge that lies within a person that is concealed from
them deep in their heart.
When Tim Keller moved his family to New York City to
start Redeemer Presbyterian Church, he asked his wife Kathy to grant him three
years of long hours, and after that, he promised, things would change.
Kathy agreed to Tim's request, but when the three year
mark came and went, Tim said, "Just a couple more months." Still, the
months flew by with no change. Although Kathy was incredibly patient and
restrained, she did have to get Tim's attention. Tim writes what happened next:
One day I came home from work. It was a nice day outside,
and I noticed that the door to our apartment's balcony was open. Just as I was
taking off my jacket, I heard a smashing noise coming from the balcony. In
another couple of seconds I heard another one. I walked out on to the balcony
and to my surprise saw Kathy sitting on the floor. She had a hammer, and next
to her was a stack of our wedding china. On the ground were the shards of two
smashed saucers.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
She looked up and said, "You aren't listening to me.
You don't realize that if you keep working these hours you are going to destroy
this family. I don't know how to get through to you. You aren't seeing how
serious this is. This is what you are doing." And she brought the hammer
down on the third saucer.
I sat down trembling. I thought she had snapped.
"I'm listening. I'm listening," I said. As we talked, it became clear
that she was intense and laser focused, but she was not in a rage or out of
control emotionally. She spoke calmly but forcefully. Her arguments were the
same as they had been months before, but I realized how deluded I had been.
There would never be a convenient time to cut back. I was addicted to the level
of productivity I had achieved. She saw me listening for the first time, and we
hugged.
Finally I inquired, "When I first came out here, I
thought you were having an emotional meltdown. How did you get control of
yourself so fast?'"
With a grin she answered, "It was no meltdown. Do
you see these three saucers I smashed? I nodded. 'I have no cups for them. The
cups have been broken for years. I had three saucers to spare. I'm glad you sat
down before I had to break any more."
[Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
(Dutton, 2011), pp. 145-146]
Sometimes we need someone wise or close to us in order to
pull the truth out of us that we already know. Tim realized he wasn’t being
honest with himself. His admission came when he said, “I was addicted to the
level of productivity I had achieved.” It took the wisdom of his wife to draw
out this conclusion that he had locked up in his heart.
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