Face to face talks

3 John 1:13-14 (NLT)

13 I have much more to say to you, but I don’t want to write it with pen and ink. 14 For I hope to see you soon, and then we will talk face to face.

The 3^rd book of John was a letter to his friend Gaius. It was an encouraging letter speaking of the work Gaius did to help others. It commended him and also warned him of those who spoke ill thinks that could influence his thoughts. He ends the letter saying he hopes to see Gaius and talk face to face.

In relationship communications, face to face talks are very important. It gives times for each to speak uninterrupted to one another. It allows for them to listen carefully and not be interrupted. It lets each other know that the other person is concerned about the things that are to be said.

In the news recently there was a husband who sent a spreadsheet to his wife listing dates, whether she accepted his advances for sex and her excuses if he was rejected. It was emailed to her to read. She got the email, but the email wasn’t too well received, can you only imagine?

Let’s go back to the face to face talk, which is the best way to communicate. Not only do you hear what is being said, you see how it is being said in body language, and you can hear the tone in which it is being said. Words, body language and tone all play an important part in communication. Emails take out body language and tone. How often have you said something and watched someone’s eyes roll? You know without hearing a word that they either didn’t believe you or thought “Oh no, not again!”

Let’s say I want to have a face to face talk with my wife. I would ask her if I could talk to her about something important and is now a good time. You want to make sure she has time to listen and is not in a hurry or maybe distracted by something else. If the time is good you can proceed to talk.

Try to state your feelings and keep the conversation more about you than trying to place blame on the other person. For instance the husband above could have said, “Lately I feel rejected about asking about sex because it never seems there is never an appropriate time. This gives the other person a chance to understand the feelings and does not place direct blame on them. Its a good way to open the conversation.

Now that the conversation has started keep on topic. Don’t start venting about other issues. You also want to carefully listen. Remember the words of the apostle Peter, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” It both parties can learn these techniques discussions become more productive.

I also want to mention, men, you need to listen carefully to feelings a woman talks about. We are not as in tune with feelings as women are and we can miss a lot of clues.