Love IS

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

The apostle gives us in these verses some of the properties and effects of charity, both to describe and commend it, that we may know whether we have this grace and that if we have not we may fall in love with what is so exceedingly amiable, and not rest till we have obtained it.

In a popular TED talk titled "The secret to desire in a long-term relationship," psychotherapist Esther Perel, who has counseled hundreds of couples who are having trouble in their marriages, notes how we tend to expect too much from our husband or wife. Dr. Perel says,

Marriage [used to be primarily] an economic institution in which you were given a partnership for life in terms of children and social status and succession and companionship. But now we want our partner to still give us all these things, but in addition, I want you to be my best friend and my trusted confidant and my passionate lover to boot, and we live twice as long. So we come to one person, and we basically are asking them to give us what once an entire village used to provide: Give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity, but give me transcendence and mystery and awe all in one. Give me comfort, give me edge. Give me novelty, give me familiarity. Give me predictability, give me surprise.

[Dr. Esther Perel, "The Secret Desire in a Long-term Relationship"; Quoted in David Zahl, "Infidelity, Love, and the New Shame,' Mbird blog (7-7-15)]

Our nature self wants everything from life. It want’s others to give us what we feel we deserve. We want our spouses to fill the empty spaces inside of us. However, we miss an important part of the definition of love – IT IS NOT SELF SEEKING. We are not to seek out love for ourselves, but instead we are to give love, to impart it to others and show understand God’s wonderful gifts of mercy, grace and love through our own actions.