Communication

Genesis 11:5-7 (NLT)

5 But the Lord came down to look at the city and the tower the people were building. 6 “Look!” he said. “The people are united, and they all speak the same language. After this, nothing they set out to do will be impossible for them! 7 Come, let’s go down and confuse the people with different languages. Then they won’t be able to understand each other.”

The people of Babel worked together building a city with a tower that was going to reach the heavens. They had taken their focus off of God. God saw what they were trying to do; so God confused their language, perhaps giving different groups a new language and then God spread them out across the lands where they could no longer work together.

I like using this illustration for the purpose of communication in marriage. I have seen couples who begin to fight among themselves because they are not properly communicating. They then move to the next illogical step – If I leave and separate from my spouse things will get better. I have heard that statement so many times. And when I asked how it is working out, usually it isn’t because the spouses are communicating at all.

I don’t believe in separation in a marriage except for certain circumstances. One of those is physical abuse. There are too many stories where a spouse stayed with an abusive spouse because they thought things would get better or they could possibly fix them. Let me just say this, if the abuser does not want help or does not want treatment they are not going to change. In fact their abuse may escalate. At times it has escalated to the point of serious harm or death.

There is another reason for separation that should be used sparingly. There are times when a spouse may not be abusive, but they are participating in things that could be destructive to the marriage. So the other spouse must set a boundary for their protection and the protection of the family. The boundary may need to be as strong as – If you continue this behavior I will not allow you to stay in this house and will take legal actions to see that you cannot return. There are many reasons why a spouse might do this, but it is because the other spouse has no regard for the family.

Lastly most of these issues arise over communication problems. Just as the people of Babel could no longer communicate and accomplish tasks, if people in a marriage cannot communicate problems will creep into a marriage.

If you feel you are not communicating within your marriage find some professional help. Counselors can help guide you in ways to communicate properly. Shouting at one another is not communicating, but tearing each other down. Learn to communicate in a peaceful and constructive manner.

Paths of Wisdom

Proverbs 8:20 (NLT)

20 I walk in righteousness, in paths of justice.

This is that fruit of wisdom which is better than gold, than fine gold, it leads us in the way of righteousness, shows us that way and goes before us in it, the way that God would have us walk in and which will certainly bring us to our desired end. It leads in the midst of the paths of judgment, and saves us from deviating on either hand. In medio virtus-Virtue lies in the midst. Christ by his Spirit guides believers into all truth, and so leads them in the way of righteousness, and they walk after the Spirit. [Matthew Henry Commentary]

Normally we think that wisdom comes with age, but not always. Sometimes it comes from the mouths of children.

· Michael said, “Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.”

· Kyoyo, age 9, said, “Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.”

· Naomi, 15 said, “If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.”

· Lauren, age 9 said, “Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.”

· Joel, 10 years old, said, “Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.”

· Eileen, age 8 said, “Never try to baptize a cat.”

A jobless man applied for the position of “office boy” at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. “You are hired,” he said. ”Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.” The man replied, “But I don’t have a computer nor an email address.” “I’m sorry”, said the HR manager, “If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And he who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”

The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 20 lb. tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he could survive that way, and started to go every day earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan for his family’s future, and decided to buy life insurance.  He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, “I don’t have an email.” The broker answered curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!” The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!” [Steve Shepherd, First Christian Church]

Wisdom will sometimes give you answers that are unexpected. Wisdom will also lead you places where you did not expect to go. But wisdom will watch over you, keep you safe and give you plans for a new day tomorrow. Grab hold of wisdom and don’t let go; for wisdom leads to righteousness and justice.

Encourage one another

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

11 So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

We should not only be concerned about the welfare and comfort of ourselves, but we should also be concerned about the welfare and comfort of others. We are to pray for one another. We should communicate what we have learned through our own experiences to others. We are to build each other us through reassurance, kindness and comfort.

During the last days of the Third Reich, as Allied bombs rained down on Stuttgart and the Nazi terror writhed in its final death throes, Helmut Thielicke preached a remarkable series of sermons based on the Lord's Prayer. These were days of uncertainty and death. On more than one occasion, the shriek of air raid sirens interrupted his sermon. Thielicke writes that during this period there were times when he felt utterly stricken: "My work in Stuttgart seemed to have gone to pieces; and my listeners were scattered to the four winds; the churches lay in rubble and ashes."

In one of his messages, based upon the petition "Thy kingdom come," Thielicke describes an encounter with a woman from his congregation. He was standing in the street looking down into the pit of a cellar—all that remained from a building that an Allied bomb had shattered. The woman approached him and declared, "My husband died down there. His place was right under the hole. The clean-up squad was unable to find a trace of him; all that was left was his cap."

What does a pastor say in a moment like this? "I'm sorry" hardly seems adequate. But the woman had not come to Thielicke for sympathy. She wanted to express her gratitude. "We were there the last time you preached in the cathedral church," she continued. "And here before this pit I want to thank you for preparing him for eternity." [John Koessler, "Helmut Thielicke: Preaching Amidst the Rubble," A Stanger in the House of God blog (6-24-10)]

As Christians we build up one another. We share personal experiences that give hope and meaning to others. As in the story above we can find comfort in the shared words of another. We can know the assurance of an eternity with God. So continue to encourage one another and you have already been doing.

Don't let anger control you

Ephesians 4:26-27 (NLT)

26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

Anger is defined as a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. The apostle tells us not to allow anger to control us for it opens a door of opportunities for the devil to take advantage of.

In June of 2012, Carl Ericsson, a 73-year-old South Dakota man, was sentenced to life in prison after admitting to the murder of a former high school classmate. Friends and family members were shocked that the once-successful insurance salesman seemed to snap. Ericsson had been married to his wife for over 44 years.

But after the murder, Ericsson's secret finally came out. For over 50 years he had simmered with a belated grudge: He was still mad about a classmate who had once pulled a jock strap over his head during a high school locker room prank. Norman Johnson, the classmate and murder victim, was a star athlete on the track team. Ericsson was a student sports manager. According to Ericsson's confession, on one occasion Johnson put a jock strap on Ericsson's head, humiliating him and planting the seed of resentment that would continue to grow for over half a century. Apparently, throughout their lives, Norman Johnson continued to outshine Ericsson. Prior to his murder, Johnson had competed in college football, earned a degree, and then taught and coached at his alma mater for more than three decades.

After holding the grudge for over 50 years, Carl Ericsson rang Johnson's doorbell and shot him dead. Ericsson told a judge, "I guess it was from something that happened over 50 years ago. It was apparently in my subconscious." During his sentencing, Ericsson turned to Johnson's widow and apologized, saying, "I just wish I could turn the calendar back." [Matt Woodley, managing editor, PreachingToday.com; source: Cameron Smith, Bizarre S.D. murder caused by resentment over 50-year-old locker room jockstrap prank," Yahoo Sports Prep Rally blog (6-18-12)]

Anger is an unusual emotion. It doesn’t just develop on its own, but is usually the result of another emotion that came first. In the story above we see the man was humiliated and then he felt resentment and then it finally boiled over to anger. It is why we are told not to let anger control us; for it will force us into doing things we may not have done.

Deflecting anger

Proverbs 15:1 (NLT)

1 A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

Arguments are always bound to take place, but they don’t have to be held with explosive tempers. Instead each person can take responsibility to see an argument resolved in a peaceful manner.

A study reported in Psychological Science discovered that the "best" arguers are those who don't point their fingers. According to the study, the person who says "we" the most during an argument suggests the best solutions.

Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill used statistical analysis to study 59 couples. Spouses who used second-person pronouns (you) tended toward negativity in interactions. Those making use of first-person plural pronouns (we) provided positive solutions to problems.

The study concluded: "'We' users may have a sense of shared interest that sparks compromise and other ideas pleasing to both partners. 'You'-sayers, on the contrary, tend to criticize, disagree, justify, and otherwise team with negativity."

{Rachel A. Simmons, Peter C. Gordon, and Dianne L. Chambless, "Pronouns in Marital Interaction: What Do 'You' and 'I' Say about Marital Health?" Psychological Science (Volume 16), pp. 932-936]

When “YOU” leave “YOU” out of a sentence in an argument the hostility of the argument tends to diminish. I suggest saying things like “I feel neglected about my birthday because no one has mentioned it.” It then leaves the sentence open to many others could have neglected the birthday and not just the person being talked to. When YOU is used it directs negativity to the listener and if harsh words are used the argument will flare.

Sacrificial Love

Hebrews 9:27-28 (NLT)

27 And just as each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment, 28 so also Christ was offered once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him.

These verses tell us we are destined to die and then there is a judgment by God. By God’s grace and mercy Christ was offered once as a sacrifice for the sins of the people. Christ did this once to bring salvation to all.

Author Henri Nouwen tells the story of a family he knew in Paraguay. The father, a doctor, spoke out against the military regime there and its human rights abuses. Local police took their revenge on him by arresting his teenage son and torturing him to death. Enraged townsfolk wanted to turn the boy's funeral into a huge protest march, but the doctor chose another means of protest. At the funeral, the father displayed his son's body as he had found it in the jail—naked, scarred from electric shocks and cigarette burns, and beatings. All the villagers filed past the corpse, which lay not in a coffin but on the blood-soaked mattress from the prison. It was the strongest protest imaginable, for it put injustice on grotesque display.

Isn't that what God did at Calvary? … The cross that held Jesus' body, naked and marked with scars, exposed all the violence and injustice of this world. At once, the cross revealed what kind of world we have and what kind of God we have: a world of gross unfairness, a God of sacrificial love. [Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God (Zondervan, 1997), pp. 185-186]

There is an old hymn I love, GRACE GREATER than our SIN, by Julia H. Johnson, which says in the refrain:

Grace, grace, God’s grace,

Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;

Grace, grace, God’s grace,

Grace that is greater than all our sin!

There is NO sin greater than God’s grace. There is nothing that can keep us from God and His love for us.

The Confidence in Learning

Proverbs 1:3 (NLT)

3 Their purpose is to teach people to live disciplined and successful lives, to help them do what is right, just, and fair.

This verses gives us part of the purpose for the proverbs passed along to us. This verse tells us the proverbs are used to teach people how to live their lives in a successful and good way!

In one of the popular ads that accompanied the 2010 Super Bowl, Cars.com tells the fictional story of a wonder child named Timothy Richman. From his earliest years, Timothy displayed an amazing level of confidence, and his confidence came from knowledge.

As a toddler eating in his high chair, he saw a pan of food cooking on the stove catch fire. Knowing somehow that baking soda puts out fires, Timothy calmly threw his rattle at a box of baking soda located on a shelf above the flaming pan, knocking over the box, which poured the soda into the pan and extinguished the flames.

As a boy about to learn to ride a bike, Timothy stands straddling the bike as his dad prepares to put on the training wheels. Timothy says, "Balance, momentum, and a low center of gravity," and with that knowledge fully absorbed, before Timothy's dad can get the training wheels on, Timothy pedals the bike away and down the driveway.

In junior high, Timothy confidently walks up to a teen on an Italian beach who has been stung on the leg by a jellyfish and acting on his knowledge of first aid, he pours vinegar on the inflamed skin. He explains in perfect Italian that vinegar can neutralize jellyfish stings.

As a high school student on safari in Africa, he uses his knowledge of veterinary obstetrics to deliver a baby Bengal tiger that was breeched.

As an adult, Timothy gets out of his car on a highway as a tornado approaches a bus full of cheerleaders. Using his knowledge of storm cells and tornadoes, he explains to the cheerleaders that they will be safe if they exit the bus and lie in a low-lying depression beside the road. Just as the cheerleaders and Timothy jump safely into the ditch, the bus rises in the air and is carried away by the tornado.

The narrator explains, however, as Timothy stands with a scared look on his face in a new car lot, "When it came time to buy a new car, he was just as nervous as the rest of us."

Then Timothy sees a Cars.com sign and pulls out his cell phone. The narrator concludes, "So Timothy Richman got his knowledge at Cars.com, regained his confidence, and got the perfect car at the perfect price."

This little commercial entertainingly illustrates the fact that no matter how much knowledge and confidence you have in many areas of life, you can still be clueless in another important area of living.

The fact is, no matter how smart you are, apart from God's help you are clueless about important spiritual truths. [Craig Brian Larson, editor of PreachingToday.com; source: 2010 USA Today Ad Meter  and Cars.com]