Unsafe people

Proverbs 25:19 (NLT)

19 Putting confidence in an unreliable person in times of trouble is like chewing with a broken tooth or walking on a lame foot.

This proverb is a reminder that there are people who we cannot trust with our problems or issues. These people are unsafe and can cause us suffering in addition to our problems and issues.

Dr. Kristina Welker in an article from the AhWatukee FootHill News, published July 19, 2011 provides some clues for recognizing people who can be unsafe in your life. Unsafe people usually reveal things you don’t wish revealed or stir up problems causing issues with other friends. Dr. Kristina Welker says:

Be wary of people who avoid being vulnerable. They are avoiding intimacy, communicating only on a superficial level. They withhold parts of themselves hoping you will believe that they have it all together.

Unsafe people cannot tolerate criticism even when it's constructive. Unable to admit fault, they justify their actions and focus on yours. When you try to tell them you are hurt by their behavior, they make it about them and refuse to see the situation from your point of view.

They lie to you instead of telling you the truth; in spite of this, they demand your trust. They gossip about you, instead of keeping your secrets confidential. They run from one person to another "stirring the pot" and telling each person what they want to hear.

Unsafe people are inconsistent. They don't live up to their commitments. They make promises they cannot keep. They lack integrity. They are out to get their needs met, without considering the needs of others.

You can be assured that you are in an unhealthy relationship when it is one that resembles that of a parent/child. For example: They give you advice when you don't ask for it. They don't trust your judgment. Critical and disapproving, they are quite certain that, without them, you will not make the right decisions.

Enmeshment is also quite common in an unhealthy relationship. This occurs when the unsafe person wants nearly all your time, and is competitive and jealous when you have other friends or other interests.

These are some of the things to look out for when forming friendships and relationships. Eventually the unsafe person will cause issues in your life that brings problems. Remember the characteristics above; they are red flags you could be in an unsafe relationship with someone. Heed the warnings and instead put your confidence in people you can trust.